An open letter to Red Bull idiots
January 7, 2015

Dear Red Bull idiots,

Seven years ago, you fired Bruce Arena after his first full season in charge. How did that work out?

We'll tell you how it worked out. Arena has led the Galaxy to three MLS Cups. You are still without a championship, despite fielding two of the best players in MLS history over that span. (Juan Pablo Angel and Thierry Henry, if your memory is short. Oh, your memory is so short.)

Your reason for firing Arena? He did not win MLS Cup. Never mind the fact that he presided over a single offseason and made changes destined to put the team on a winning path. He didn't win fast enough. He was a goner.

Since firing Arena, you changed your public tune. You talked about patience and continuity. You talked about slow growth. We listened. Heck, last year, you even followed through -- you stayed put during the offseason, made minimal changes, and ended the year one goal away from MLS Cup! In fact, these past two seasons were the best back-to-back years in team history. It's not even close.

Who was the coach during those two last years? Mike Petke. What did you do to Petke today? Right. You idiots.

Your reasoning? Here's something your rep told a fan today: "Mike didn't win the Cup. We want someone who can."

Now excuse us while we hit our head against the wall.

We're hitting our head, Red Bull idiots, because we can't hit yours. You're a global corporation, a lifestyle brand, an energy drink, which knows so little about this fanbase. This fanbase that has suffered 20 years of incompetence and will continue to do so while you are in charge. "This is an energy drink," says your new coach, Jesse Marsch. You are an energy drink. You are not a soccer team.

Here at MetroFanatic, we tell our children that it's OK to make mistakes. But if you repeat your mistakes, that makes you an idiot.

You are idiots, Red Bull.

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