Ten Worst: One-goal scorers
June 14, 2020
We just did ten best one-goal scorers, so let's do ten worst! Somehow, we couldn't find a spot on this list for Nansha Kalonji, Pedro Alvarez, Jose Galvan, Corey Hertzog, or Omer Damari...
10) John Rooney
John will forever be the first Rooney brother to play in MLS, in 2011. He is not the first one to score in MLS, as his lone goal came in a 2:1 Open Cup win over FCNY (not to be confused with NYCFC, which, in turn, should not be confused with Hartford Athletic). This Rooney's league career counted just five substitute appearances and 48 total minutes, as he was clearly out of his depth.
9) Diego Serna
When Metro acquired hated Miami super-scorer Serna through the dispersal draft in 2002, great things were expected. Great things never came, as he failed to gel with the rest of the attack. The loan goal came in a 2:1 home loss to Dallas. Eight games into his tenure, Metro brass had enough and shipped Serna in a massive six-player deal to New England. The goalscorer Metro got back was Mamadouchebag Diallo... let's not talk about this.
8) Ernst Oebster
It's hard to believe that this little-known Austrian was a subject of a tug-of-war between "sister" clubs. We're not sure what Juan Carlos Osorio saw in him, but Oebster finally joined Metro after his Red Bull Salzburg ran out in 2009. He promplty scored on his debut, in a 2:2 road tie against W Connection in the CONCACAF Champions League. (Let's not talk about the home leg.) Oebster played five games overall and was quickly sent back to Austria by the new regime.
7) Kenny Arena
Bruce's son Kenny was not a good defender. Somehow, he ended up playing in 21 games between 2003 and 2004, usually filling in for whoever was injured. That being said, his lone goal was precious: in a 2:1 victory over LA on June 19, 2004, when Metro fielded the youngest lineup in league history, Kenny scored with his BUTT.
6) Andrzej Juskowiak
Acquired midway through 2003 for the late-season push, one-time Olympic top scorer Juskowiak scored just once. It came in a rather meaningless late-season 2:1 home loss to New England. Bob Bradley's decision to start the Pole in the Open Cup final will not go down among the best in the bald manager's famed career.
5) Saer Sene
Another player whose lone goal came in CONCACAF, Sene tallied in the home leg against a rather poor CD FAS team in 2014, a 2:0 win that was more extreme than the scoreline showed. Alas, what he is remembered most is the away leg, when he skied a penalty that kept the game scoreless and eliminated Metro from group play.
4) Marcelo Vega
Forever one of the worst signings in team history, the obese Vega was supposed to run the midfield... and ran it into the ground. His lone goal came in a 3:1 win over Columbus in August. Amazingly, during that 1998 season Vega became the second current Metro to appear in the World Cup, playing 45 minutes in Chile's loss to Brazil.
3) Sebastien Le Toux
The trade might have made sense on paper: in 2012, Dane Richards wanted to go to Europe, and Le Toux had a storied career elsewhere in MLS. And when he scored on his debut, a 2:2 tie with Seattle, it all looked rosy. It turned sour soon after, as he failed to find the back of the net again, and pouted for the rest of his Metro tenure, getting his wish to return to Philly. Hans Backe's decision to start him in the playoffs is an all-time head-scratcher.
2) Steve Shak
Is it Shak's fault he was picked #1 in 2000 over several future all-stars and national teamers? No, that's on Nick Sakiewicz and Octavaio Zambrano. Is it Shak's fault that he was absolutely terrible every time he stepped on the field, a black hole wherever he lined up? Probably. His lone goal came in a 4:2 win over New England. It's been 20 years, and we still can't believe he scored.
1) Rafael Marquez
On August 21, 2010, Rafa scored in a 4:1 at Toronto. Titi Henry was still scoreless, so some started to think that the Mexican defender will prove to be a better DP than then French striker. Oh, how wrong they were! While Titi sent Metro to heights not seen before, Rafa dragged it down with his lackluster defending, lazy passes, and bitching at teammates. There is no coincidence that Metro's first trophy came the season after the high-priced cologne-pedler departed.