2:3 Philadelphia New York Pajoy 2 Lindpere Holgersson Cooper 05.13.12 · League

Somewhere to the south of New Jersey sits a city known as Philadelphia. Year after year, its residents are named the ugliest ones in America. Yes, they are even more hideous than those from Washington, DC. And who are we to argue?

Some of these hideous residents have decided to become fans of its recently-formed soccer club, naming their supporters group after William Franklin, a former governor of New Jersey (oh, the irony!) and a traitor to America. They fancy their team a proper club, despite it being run by a man best known for lying on his resume and running two other MLS teams (including our unfortunate Metro) into the ground. And they whine. Oh, do they whine.

The game is not but a few minutes over, but we can hear the whining already. Oh, those refs! Oh, they gave our precious Freddy Adu a red card for diving! Oh, why are we so ugly!

Oh, Philadelphia fans, shut up already. Pile up in your minivans and drive back to your ugly, ugly city. We have a game to discuss.

"Clever" Hans Backe made two changes from the team that beat Houston in mid-week. Roy Miller was judged healthy enough to return to his customary left back spot for Connor Lade, and Rafa Marquez made his not-so-awaited return to midfield, as Jan Gunnar Solli was held out due to injury.

Metro struck first, 17 minutes into the match. Miller got the ball to Mehdi Ballouchy on the left side of the box, and the frilly-haired Moroccan laid it back for Joel Lindpere. The Estonian's shot pierced the net for yet another early Metro lead. But unlike the previous three games, 1:0 would not do. The Worms equalized in the 31st minute, as Lionard Pajoy, a known cokehead, headed in an Adu cross off a corner kick. It was the first goal Metro allowed in over three games.

Adu was front and center of the game-turning play in the 43rd minute, when he clearly dove in the box. The referee gave him a warranted yellow; unfortunately for the overrated clown, he already was carrying one for a two-footed tackle on Miller. The Worms protested, their fans tried to drown their tears in cheez whiz. The cries of both fell on deaf ears.

However, when the second half opened it looked like it was Metro playing with ten men. Seconds into the stanza, the Worms broke down field, and Pajoy attempted to send a pass in the box. The ball bounced through the legs of vice captain S. Markus Holgersson and ended up back with Pajoy, who gave Philly its first lead of the match.

But the vice captain would not wear the goat horns today. In the 68th minute, he scored his first Metro goal, heading in a Brandon Barklage corner kick. And then, in the 78th minute, Marquez sent a long ball into the box that Philly keeper Zac MacMath attempted to come out to retrieve, only to fall down in terror as Kenny Cooper got to it first. The net was empty, and a tough angle didn't scare Frankencooper. Metro had the lead once again.

The closing seconds of the match had some tense moments, as the Worms had many chances for the equalizer. In the 86th minute, off a short Philly free kick, Michael Farfan was left alone at the doorstep with nothing but an empty half of the net to shoot at. Somehow he missed, and Pajoy, standing practically at the goalline, whiffed on the attempt to tap it in. Ryan Meara was up to the task yet again, making key saves, then swarming a close-range shot by the crackhead in the fourth minute of injury time.

So, somehow Metro keeps winning. This is four in a row, the last three and a half without Titi Henry. We'll leave the losing (and whining about it) to Philly fans.

Lineup: Meara, Miller, Holgersson, Ruthven, Barklage, McCarty, Marquez, Lindpere, Richards, Ballouchy, Cooper. Subs: Agudelo, Palsson.