2:1 New York Benfica Wright-Phillips Grella Pizzi 07.26.15 · Friendly

It's time to end these midseason friendlies. Now, we know what you're thinking: here comes another diatribe about games that really matter! MLS regular season, the Open Cup! Priorities, taking it seriously! Etc, etc, etc.

No, not at all. Here's why we need to end these friendlies: we're just BETTER than these supposed European giants. Benfica tonight? No chance. Did you see the Mike Grella goal? A thing of beauty! And this is a guy who makes $60,000 a year.

Just think of the glorious victories in the last six years: Juventus, Man City (who got scared so much that they decided to start a rival team), Arsenal, Chelsea (who got whacked by our RESERVE team), and now Benfica! And it's not just at home, who can forget us coming to England in 2011, playing on back-to-back nights, and topping first Paris Saint Germain, and then shocking Arsenal to win the Emirates Cup!

Give up, European teams. We're just BETTER than you.

Now if we could only be better than the American ones...